My friend Connie called me up the other day. She was alarmed.

“There is a terrible picture of you on Facebook,” she said. “You need to get it taken down.”

I had seen the picture earlier and I agreed. It wasn’t flattering. It was taken during Riverfest, which was scorchingly hot. I was frowning deeply.

“You look stressed,” she said. “My friend is beautiful in and out and that picture doesn’t reflect it.”

I felt supported in her distress and her concern for me and whatever my public image might be.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked her. “It seems vain to ask someone to take down a picture that simply is not flattering.”

“Just tell them your friend Connie thinks that they should take it down,” she replied, and she hung up the phone.

I showed the picture to my dear husband, Stephen, when I arrived home. He looked at it and said, “You look like a wilted flower.”

And with that, I went to the Facebook post and wrote, “My dear husband, Stephen, thinks I look like a wilted flower. I added the hashtag, #ClimateChangeIsReal.”

My friend, who had posted the photo, immediately responded with a heart emoji.

Stephen’s words gave me a way to reframe the image. Whatever anyone thought of it, my own response restored my ability to set the image of me in context. It gave me the opportunity to reflect and communicate my own truth.

In that reframing, I felt better. I could be real about what is important to me.

In one sense, it’s all about perception. How we appear to others, how we interpret our own lives.

Our perceptions determine how we feel. And owning those perceptions gives us a certain latitude of authenticity.

If we want to feel better, even in unbearable weather—or especially in unbearable weather—we need to be willing to look at how we see things and change it up.

I felt better reframing my response so that it reflects the love and concern I feel for the world rather than my own apparent discomfort.

With that reframing, I could step out of the overwhelming cultural value that calls for us to always appear our best on social media.

Our perceptions color how we see ourselves and the world. Our perceptions determine how we respond to the circumstances of our lives. Our perspectives are created from our life experiences and shape our life experiences going forward.

Consider this parable of the two villages.

A man who was traveling came upon a farmer working in his field and asked him what the people in the next village were like. The farmer asked the traveler, “What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The man responded “They were kind, friendly, generous, great people.”

“You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” the farmer replied.

Another man who was traveling to the same village came up to the same farmer somewhat later and asked him what the people in the next village were like. Again the farmer asked,“What were the people like in the last village you visited?” The second man responded, “They were rude, unfriendly, dishonest people.”

“You’ll find the people in the next village are the same,” said the farmer.

As simple as it sounds, we find what we are looking for. And when we find ourselves in an uncomfortable position, with someone else’s reality and perception, we need to creatively pivot.

Thanks, Stephen. “Wilted flower” it is.

P.S. In total transparency. I AM totally stressed. And I was glad I could solve one thing. Another lesson to self: Appreciate your small victories.

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