Note: Though this story is intended as an April Fool’s joke, there are some helpful hints for making the best out of any disaster.

WORLDWIDE, POTENTIALLY — It is a truth universally acknowledged that while humanity can possess some good sense as it deals with expected problems, when disaster threatens, people are suddenly in want of a plan. 

While zombie outbreaks are unlikely to happen outside of literature, movies and video games, exploring what you need to do to prepare for one can be a useful exercise.

You should create that all-important plan. 

Here are some steps you can take to increase your chances of surviving the fast-spreading biohazard that is an outbreak of the zombie virus.

According to the long-running documentary “The Walking Dead,” the virus is spread via airborne transmission. After the death of the host, it affects the brainstem, turning those infected “into aggressive vectors for the virus.” (Information courtesy of the Walking Dead Wiki.)

Just as you do for any other disaster, you should identify potential risks, develop an emergency plan, and make sure everyone in your household is aware of that plan.

Practice that plan: Half the family or half your friends get to be the zombies, and the other half gets to be the entire human race. What will the humans do? 

Prepare a survival kit: A zombie kit includes the standard non-perishable food, water, first aid supplies, flashlight and batteries, and a charger and portable power source for your cellphone or e-reader (in case you need the distraction while in hiding). 

But when it comes to zombies, you should also consider including items like crowbars, baseball bats or other blunt instruments that could be used for self-defense. If you use firearms, ensure you have plenty of ammunition. Tools needed for repairs are always useful, since you might not be able to count on your usual repair shops still being in business.

Secure your home: Consider boarding up windows and doors to prevent zombies from entering your home. This is also useful if a hurricane threatens. And it is always wise to ensure that you have a reliable source of electricity and a backup generator at home, if possible.

Stay informed: Monitor the news and emergency alerts to stay up to date on the outbreak and any relevant information. Your local or state public health department will keep you informed about the best ways to avoid infection.

Avoid infected areas: Stay away from areas with high zombie activity, or where the infection has spread. Keep an eye on NextDoor or other community forums. Consider traveling during daylight hours and avoid large groups of people.

Be cautious and avoid engaging in hand-to-hand combat with zombies, as this can put you at risk of infection.

Stay healthy: First, maintain good hygiene. While washing your hands for a full rendition of the birthday song works for most hygiene issues, it might not be sufficient to prevent infection by the zombie virus. Your public health department, assuming it is still operating, would have that information. Follow their guidance; be cautious about information sourced off the internet. 

Get plenty of rest to keep your immune system strong. This might not always be feasible, but do your best.

By staying prepared and following basic survival guidelines, you can increase your chances of surviving a zombie outbreak or any other disaster or emergency.

Information collected by ChatGPT, with additions by Amanda Reed and Annemarie Schuetz.