I don’t know how safe everyone in the audience will feel once I hit the stage, but it’s for a good cause and there are still a few tickets left...”

in my humble opinion

Throwback Thursday

If, as the old Simon and Garfunkel song suggests, I could actually make the morning last, I’d likely feel better about my time management, but alas and alack—I’m a little behind the eight ball this month. After more than a year of allowing ourselves time to smell the roses, everyone and their brother (as Barbara Fox would say) is throwing a party of one sort or another, some of them simultaneously. 

I get it. We’ve all been cooped up for far too long and with restrictions being lifted, folks want to get out, enjoy the weather (good luck with that) and literally make hay while the sun shines, but does it all have to happen at once? This week alone, I have no fewer than six events on my calendar, and they’re all crammed into four days.

On Thursday, Dharma the Wonder Dog will be visiting with the kids at the Delaware Youth Center in Callicoon, NY, and yours truly has been roped into driving her there, mostly because she doesn’t have opposable thumbs. If she did, she could write this column herself and I’d be out of a job. 

Later that same day, I have a reservation to see “Beehive – The Sixties Musical” at (you guessed it) the Forestburgh Playhouse, followed by my own appearance on Friday, July 23 at the Upfront Exhibition Space in Port Jervis, NY where I’ll be regaling folks with tales about my storied career, undoubtedly replete with lesser-known facts about my equally checkered and colorful past. 

The show is titled “Out, Loud and Proud” and is a fundraiser designed to benefit Triversity, the pride center, a not-for-profit organization dedicated in its mission to “provide a safe space for the pride community living in and visiting the tri-state area.” I don’t know how safe everyone in the audience will feel once I hit the stage, but it’s for a good cause and there are still a few tickets left, so reserve your seats now—if you’re not already booked for seven different things the very same night. Sigh. 

Then, on Saturday, July 24, more worlds collide as the annual Callicoon Country Fair gears up for what promises to be a good time for the entire family. The event poster promises “food, games, prizes, artisans and entertainment,” but I can only be in one place at one time, so someone else from the award-winning River Reporter will be out and about taking photos, endlessly (sorry, Annemarie!) explaining to the masses why my adorable dog isn’t there.  

Instead, we’ll be on the other side of the county for another town-wide celebration called “Yes, Yes, Yes Hurleyville Pride” sponsored by the House of Yes and the Hurleyville Performing Arts Centre in (duh) Hurleyville, NY. Described as “a party and carnival celebrating love, self-expression and the magic of summer in the Catskills” the event will include live music, “chill, daytime grooves,” (I’ll be the judge of that) kids’ activities, vendors, circus shows (circus shows?) and a “surprise parade.” 

While I ponder how it could be a surprise if they’re already spilling the beans, I looked up House of Yes on The Google and learned that it is a “creative collective and theatre-infused nightclub based in Brooklyn, NY,” which has become a “destination for creative culture and outrageous dance parties since opening its Bushwick location in 2015.”

It was named “The Number-Two Best Thing to do in the World” (wow, man) by Time Out New York, which makes me wonder what number one is and why I’ve been hitherto unaware of their existence. For once, my questionable clown-like attire will likely go unnoticed, and the event is free but one can register online 

(www.hurleyvilleartscentre.org) in order to let HPAC and the House of Yes know that you’re on board for a “creative experience that defies categorization and transcends genre.”

Saturday’s Callicoon Country Fair is scheduled for 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Hurleyville Pride from 2 to 7 p.m., so why not make a day of it? For those of you with more get-up-and-go than me, both are doable, in my humble opinion. 

But wait, there’s more! No summer in the Catskills would be complete without the Delaware Valley Arts Alliance’s (DVAA) 31st annual Riverfest in Narrowsburg, NY, and it’s happening (uh huh) this weekend, on Sunday, July 25 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. To be honest, no amount of conflicting schedules could keep me away from Riverfest, which has become synonymous with celebrating all that the Upper Delaware River region has to offer, including fantastic live music (Slam Allen will be there!), the always-popular “River Dogs on Parade” parade, the ubiquitous Farm Arts Collective stilt-walkers and the “centerpiece of the day’s events,” the Riverfest Poster Auction, which showcases incredible one-of-a-kind collectible posters created by a diverse, insanely creative and imaginative slew of artists. 

I’ll be there, but exhausted, so someone else will be running around taking pictures while my dog and I hold court in the shade at the River Reporter booth. Drop by if for nothing else to see how I hold up under the strain of having too much fun crammed into a very short time. I might even be dressed a clown again. Oh, and if you’re anything like tired-ole-me: Slow down—you move too fast.  

For tickets to my show (it’s for a good cause!) visit www.triversitycenter.org.

Fun Fact: The etymology (look it up!) for “alas and alack” is that it’s an idiom combining a pair of terms with similar meaning. According to The Google, “The first syllable in each word is like a sigh; ‘las’ is from Old French meaning weariness and ‘lack’ is from Middle English meaning loss.”