the food out here

Making mayo

Posted 6/21/23

When you have over 214 chickens, you have moments when you turn to your wife and ask, “What are we going to do with these extra eggs?”

It was during a recent instance of this …

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the food out here

Making mayo


When you have over 214 chickens, you have moments when you turn to your wife and ask, “What are we going to do with these extra eggs?”

It was during a recent instance of this question when she responded with the rather frank reality that we were out of mayo. Mayo is in fact an egg product; I gave my forehead an ‘oh duh’ slap and responded to my lovely and intelligent wife, “OK, how?”

I knew it involved eggs and oil but other than that I wasn’t entirely sure. Fortunately for me, I have the kind of wife who is better than Google when it comes to food. If she doesn’t know already, she can decipher the ocean of information from the Google well enough to know who just slapped a random recipe up there and which recipe is going to taste especially good. 

In this case, she knew what she was looking for and sought it out with the determination of a hound on the hunt. Meanwhile, my starvation-addled mind was thinking of all the things we would use the mayo for once she concocted it. My first objective was some tuna fish to make a sandwich and to dip some Triscuits in. For the record, this was a purely benevolent mission, because tuna on Triscuits is among my wife’s top-five snacks. Further, with the speed of our life right now, a five-minute food fix was in order; mixing up some tuna, mayo and relish is about as fast as it gets.

My mind continued to wander to things like tomato sandwiches, tartar sauce for fish sticks and even the ambition of making a cold potato salad.

As I stood contemplating and failing to control my appetite, Chelsea brought out the stick blender, a bowl and a thin spatula to get started. 

She began with the egg, which was carefully cracked into the blender bowl so as not to break the yolk. I asked her why she wasn’t separating the yolk from the whites; for some reason, I thought that was part of the process. Apparently, it’s not, at least not in this preparation—but she did say that it was important not to break the yolk because it would affect how all the ingredients would emulsify when blended. 

It seemed odd, since everything was about to be whipped up together anyway, but I dared not question the great wisdom of the only in-house chef I could afford.

Gently on top went the oil, lemon juice, vinegar, mustard and salt. Then the stick blender was placed firmly in the bottom and the magic began to happen. 

Before my very eyes, this odd mix of protein and acid spun into a uniform white condiment good for so many other tasty things. 

I took what I needed to make the emergency tuna snack and the rest was packed up in a Tupperware for later. We’ve been on a kick lately of attempting to replace as many things as possible with avocado oil instead of using vegetable oil as most recipes suggest. For us, it’s mainly health reasons, but as my wife tells it, she likes using olive oil for cold applications like dressings, and avocado oil for hot applications—for example, when the mayo is put up against a hot burger.

The way out here there is one rule in the Hill house kitchen; never question the chef. She wouldn’t be mad or anything, but when you have a pro on the team, you don’t let your second-string hitters mess with the good habits of the MVP.

the food out here, mayo, eggs


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