April 30, 2014 —
Well, it finally happened. After getting an iPawd and my own social networking page (www.facebook.com/DharmaTheWonderDog ), the fine folks at The River Reporter have finally wised up and decided to let me take over from you-know-who and write a decent column for a change. Since I have my paws firmly on the ground, I’m thinking of calling it “The Waggin’ Train,” but we’ll have to see how HE handles the news before the fur flies. Meanwhile, I was very busy over the last few days and since I still can’t drive, I let HIM chauffeur me around the Upper Delaware Valley (as usual) and take a few photos of my fascinating life. Paws crossed, this “experiment” will work out nicely, and I can edge HIM out of the paper altogether.
As you probably know, I’m pretty popular all over town. As a general rule, I’m not one for tooting my own horn, but lately, people have been making such a fuss about me that I’ve gotten a bit of a swelled (not to mention incredibly cute) head. After all, I have a personal stylist, (Amanda Kille in Long Eddy) a publicist, (HIM) a graphic artist (email@example.com ) and my very own radio show (www.thunder102.com ). Truth be told, I share the mic with some other people, but that’s not really important. Oopsie, HE just yelled at me and said “to give credit where credit is due,” and that I “owe the nice people at Thunder 102 a shout-out,” so I’ll throw them a bone. Michelle Semerano and Paul Ciliberto (or as HE calls them—“Beauty and the Beast”) have been very nice to me over the years, so when they invited me to the Pre-ThunderBash “meet and greet” in Callicoon (www.villaroma.com ) last weekend, I barked my orders at HIM and off we went. I took advantage of the opportunity to wear my super-hero cape (Creative Gifts by Teresa) and made a grand entrance, waving to the fans and sideling up to the bar as soon as HE wasn’t watchin’. I’m not supposed to drink anything but water, but that gets old, so I ordered a greyhound and signed a few pawtographs before the entertainment started. Big John Davis, (www.ironcowboyband.com ) Ken Somerville, (www.reverbnation.com/somerville ) David Bradley (www.davidbradleymusic.com ), Angel Mary (www.tennesseewerewolves.com ), Stephanie Grace (www.stephanie-grace.com ), and my new BFF Jacob (woof) Martin (www.jacobmartinband.com ) all performed little previews for a select group before the main event, which took place the next day at the Monticello Casino and Raceway, with all of the band members and big showy stuff on the main stage. The event was a “foodraiser” for the Sullivan County Federation for the Homeless (845/794-2604), accepting non-perishable donations at the door to help fill the food pantries throughout the county. I was gonna bring kibble, but HE decided that soup made more sense, so we put a bunch of cans in the barrel before I pranced around the grandstand, feelin’ kinda important, but not stuck-up. You know… classy.
Oh, before I forget… right before ThunderBash we went on a road trip, to this really grrrrrrreat event called the “Pine Bush UFO Fair,” which also has a page on Facebook. HE said you should turn to page 19 for more info on that. There was a parade with spaceships and aliens and dogs everywhere. Most of them were really nice, except this one snobby Pomeranian from Manhattan (figures) who was pretty, but she snarled at me when I suggested that we share a photo-op. After I informed her that it’s “my column, not hers,” she reluctantly agreed, but I had the last laff when she saw Darth Vader and peed a little, cuz she was scared. (BOL!) Afterwards, HE visited with some friends and took a lot of pictures that I’m not in, which was kinda rude, but I’m used to it. Every time someone compliments me, HE rolls his eyes and says things like “yes, I know she’s cute” and “yes, I hear that a lot.” You know, kinda snotty (IMHO). When I suggested taking over his column permanently, HE sent me an email with this quote from Wikipedia: “The phrase ‘man bites dog’ is an aphorism in journalism which describes how an unusual, infrequent event is more likely to be reported as newsworthy, rather than an ordinary, everyday occurrence, such as ‘dog bites man’. Think about it,” HE wrote. “Are you sure you want to bite the hand that feeds you?” With my adorable tail between my legs, I think I’ll chew on that for a bit and get back to you.