Bugged

I don’t kill bugs. Ever. I escort anything that crawls on lots of legs out the front door and whisk moths out open windows. Spider nests adorn the ceilings.

OK. That’s not completely true. I don’t kill bugs. Ever. I hire an exterminator, who doesn’t use the word exterminator in his business name. He uses the euphemism “Pest Control.” This nice young man came to our house twice, once for an infestation of something he told me were bookworms (it’s true) and the other time for ants. After a couple of rainy days, the ants paraded up the banister, through the porch and onto the kitchen counter. My husband traced the long, long, long line of ants back to a tree about 200 feet from our house. Mr. Exterminator told us that they were seeking higher ground after the rain.

Smart fellows.

That was a number of years ago. Now they’re back. The other night, when I put my weary head on the pillow, I was joined by two curious ants crawling around my lampshade. Big. Black. Creepy, especially when you’re about to turn off the light. Why, I wondered, am I afraid of tiny creatures that I could wipe out with a gentle squeeze between my bare fingers? I used a tissue instead.

I hesitated before calling Mr. Exterminator. The last time he came with his bucket of skull-and-crossbones poison and sprayed the baseboards of every room, he assured me that I myself didn’t have to worry about toxicity, but that if I had pets, they would have to leave the house for six hours. I was not reassured.

A friend told me about boric acid. Hooray! A solution to Mr. Exterminator!

But I had another consideration. Toads. Toads have encamped under the porch floor, near the ant highway. They serenade me to sleep at night. Could I get rid of the ants without endangering the toads? Would boric acid be a kind of invisible, non-toxic shield impenetrable to ants and safe for toads?

The little voice inside my head kept whispering, “Poison is poison.” And boric acid is—guess what?—acid! It kills things by causing severe dehydration. In humans it causes nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, cold sweats, muscular debility coma and collapse, before it causes renal, respiratory and cardiovascular failure. Imagine what it can do to toads and ants.

It’s a good thing I couldn’t find the stuff. I found Roundup, Combat, Raid, Impact, Siege, Dominion and Wipeout. The names made we want to reach for my flak jacket. The little voice said, “Stay away!” but the loud voice talked me into buying Ant Block Home Perimeter Ant bait whose active ingredient is hydramethylnon. “After a single feeding by target insects, there are no immediate symptoms of poisoning. ?Within a few hours, however, the insects become lethargic and stop eating. ?This condition progresses until the insects die within 24 to 72 hours.”

How cruel.

I thought I should give peace a chance with a kinder, gentler solution. Here are some tips:

Keep counters clean and wash dirty dishes or put them in the dishwasher pronto.

Ants have a natural aversion to cucumber, the bitterer the better. Set out cucumber peels or slices at the ants’ point of entry. Dry, crushed mint leaves or cloves also work as deterrents.

Find the ants’ point of entry. Make a Maginot line of cayenne pepper, citrus oil (soaked into a piece of string), lemon juice, cinnamon or coffee grounds.

Leave a low wattage night light on for a few nights where ants are most active. The change in light can disrupt and discourage their foraging patterns.

The ants have not returned.

Yet.

- Marcia Nehemiah