Top 10 reasons why shale gas drilling rocks

To the editor:

10. Creates jobs for road repair crews, EMTs, lawyers, nurses, physicians, marriage counselors, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and meth dealers, and has added bonus of providing extra income for corrupt politicians.

9. Drilling noise easily drowns out next-door neighbor’s kid’s garage band.

8. Devastated landscape, loss of green space and clouds of killer smog mean less hiking and biking and lots more time for TV.

7. Eliminates hours of tedious trout fishing by “pre-killing” your catch.

6. Flammable tap water livens up any party.

5. Putting off the inevitable switch to renewable energy sources is the American way.

4. Fulfills your California-dreamin’ fantasies by bringing earthquakes to your home town.

3. Makes slow and boring process of disintegration of the American community a lot more exciting by actively setting neighbor against neighbor.

2. Provides important object lesson on why you should read a gas lease before you sign it.

1. Helps the kids learn that money is more important than anything else.

Windsor, NY

Oh Mr. Cheney, Oh Mr. Cheney

Your Halliburton pals request a score

They say they only made a billion

And they’d like to make a trillion

So they ask if you can help them make some more

Oh Mr. Addington, Oh Mr. Addington

Iraqi oil, Marcellus gas, we can arrange

Clean water act we’ll have to suction

And find weapons of destruction

In the CIA files home on the range

Oh Mr. Cheney, Oh Mr. Cheney

The liberals—waterboarding they deride

But it’s legal I’ll tell W

So it doesn’t have to trouble you

The decider on the ranch can just decide

Oh Mr. Addington, Oh Mr. Addington

Those bleeding hearts are wimpy and they’re pale

But I’ll have go on Lehrer

Mrs. Jones, I’ll have to scare her

Keep the tension up to keep us out of jail

Oh Mr. Cheney, Oh Mr. Cheney

They’ve dug up records of your voting in the House

Against Head Start, and fair election

For guns that can escape detection

And they say your sneer is there ‘cause you’re a louse

Oh Mr. Addington, Oh Mr. Addington

I’ve never cared what rabble thinks of me you know

If we’re lucky then Osama

Will pass gas upon Obama

And then you and I can say we told you so