Santa’s bailout

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but only if you are sneaky, greedy, unregulated and you don’t actually produce anything tangible. The rest of you get clean coal in your stockings.

The first item on my personal Christmas list this year is a bailout. I’d like the government to forgive all my well-intentioned mistakes—like those credit cards I used when I thought the future was rosy and I was fighting terrorism by buying things at Bloomingdale’s. Hey, we all need a little cashmere, don’t we? And while the government is at it, could they pick up the tab on my home equity loan? I mean, what’s a kitchen without a granite countertop? Those pricey Toto toilets save water, you know. It’s all about saving the environment.

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