Prophets and losses

By SKIP MENDLER

The ringbearer slept through his parents’ wedding. Cute as the proverbial button in his miniature tux, he lay slumped across his caretaker’s shoulder in one of the rear pews, not a care in the world. He was not quite two, after all—one would hardly expect him to understand what all the fuss was about. He would have had, at best, fuzzy memories of the ceremony anyway, and he would have pictures to remind him, bookloads of them, and the stories that his large extended family would tell him over and over again.

But this was a bittersweet occasion. Constantly underlying the celebration, from the first processional to the final post-reception sendoff, was the knowledge that only a few days after returning from his honeymoon, the bridegroom would be shipped out to Iraq. His job, connected to the Army press office, would probably keep him out of direct combat operations, but of course in Iraq, “harm’s way” is a part of everyone’s address.

For a couple of years now, I’ve had a bee in my personal bonnet about this kind of situation. I fail to see why we can’t institute a policy that keeps expectant parents or parents of very young children away from combat altogether—I’d say until a child is five at least.

I also fail to see why certain conservative organizations, which otherwise trumpet the importance of two-parent families, don’t seem to feel the same way. So every year, between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—have you noticed how neatly those two occasions bracket Memorial Day?—I send a bunch of notes to my Congresscritters, Pentagon officials and other folks involved in military manpower concerns, encouraging such a policy. Mark your calendars—next spring I’ll do it some more, and I hope some of you will join in the effort. I never again want to hear phrases like “He never saw his child,” or “She never knew her father”—and an Administration that purports to be concerned about the integrity of families shouldn’t permit them to be necessary. Let’s at least make sure that future ringbearers and flower girls have some memories to hold onto, not just books of pictures and stories of a happy day long ago.

Folks interested in giving support to military families might want to check out Military Families Speak Out at www.mfso.org and the National Military Family Association ( www.nmfa.org ). And here’s a conservative site that offers some very practical suggestions for ways to assist military families: www.familyfirst.net/famlife/military.asp. (Scroll down to “Support the Families.”)

While we were toasting the happy family that Saturday night, of course, Katrina was gathering strength and preparing to knee America in its collective groin. Seeing the almost complete breakdown of social order and services in the immediate aftermath of Katrina, I was reminded of some of the scenarios suggested during the buildup to “Y2K.”

Remember those days, a lifetime or two ago as they were? I still have some copies of a wonderful handbook, the “Y2K Citizen’s Action Guide,” that was put together back in 1999 by the folks at Utne magazine and that encouraged grassroots, neighborhood-level preparedness efforts, and parts of it are still very relevant. (It’s still available online, by the way, at www.utne.com/web_special/web_specials_archives/articles/404-1.html )

I still suspect that the Y2K hullabaloo was just the universe’s way of getting us to think about certain issues that would become very important later, first with 9/11 and now with Katrina. There’s a need for us to be prepared to take care, not just of ourselves, but of each other when the normal support mechanisms disappear. It’s kind of like that episode in the Old Testament, the one with Joseph interpreting Pharaoh’s prophetic dream…. the one that encourages us to plan for the future and use times of prosperity to prepare for disaster and loss… a lesson that we, or our leaders at least, haven’t fully learned yet.

As ever, please feel free to drop me a line at smendler@care2.com with any comments about these columns.