Fight fair

Ask any couple who have been through marriage counseling, and they’ll tell you a basic truth: success in marriage is not a question of whether you argue (you will) but how you argue. Disagreements are inevitable, but there are better and worse methods for dealing with them. The same thing is true in political discourse, and for peace and justice activists it’s a matter for serious concern.

Many commentators rightly bemoan the sorry state of “dialogue” in present-day America. This situation is nothing new. The arts of political name-calling and divisive rhetoric are at least as old as democracy itself, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some cave wall somewhere bears the scrawled Neolithic equivalent of “The chief is a fink.”

But now the cave wall and the public square have been replaced by the computer screen and 500-channel cable, and the invective that previously might have been heard or read by relatively small numbers of people now echoes, reverberates and feeds back on itself, generating a painful, grating screech that drives all but the most diehard away from the political field.

This phenomenon had already been escalating throughout the Reagan/Bush and Clinton regimes, but following the fractious 2000 election and the 9/11 attacks, the stakes have increased dramatically, and the volume and ferocity of the rhetoric have increased in kind.

Some people don’t see this situation as a problem. They relish the knockdown, rough-and-tumble atmosphere, like people seeking out barroom brawls on a Friday night. But for folks interested in living more peaceful and nonviolent lives, it’s very problematic indeed. It’s tough enough to get our message out, and if we have to join in a shouting match to do it, doesn’t that contradict what we’re trying to do?

This dark cloud has a couple of silver linings, though. For one, it’s great practice to try and remain centered while wandering into such a melee. For another, if we can do that successfully, we stand out amidst the chaos, and people who are perhaps getting weary of battling will take notice of our example—and may begin to consider the possibility that there may be better ways of getting things done. Being “in the fight but not of it,” to paraphrase, we can exemplify the different way of being that we seek. In Gandhi’s famous words, “We must become the change that we wish to see in the world.”

So how do we do that? Fortunately, we have basic principles that can provide guidance, and we know a lot about the techniques for putting those principles into practice. Someone recently gave me “The Peace Book,” written by Louise Diamond. Subtitled “108 Simple Ways to Create a More Peaceful World,” it is not available in bookstores, but only through the publisher, The Peace Company (contact info below). Chapter Five is devoted to “Peace and Public Affairs: Building the Peace-able Community” and includes several key methodologies for engaging in useful and productive political discussion. These include using dialogue to gain understanding of different views, seeking consensus and common ground and addressing needs and interests rather than positions (this one will ring a bell for folks familiar with Marshall Rosenberg’s work in nonviolent communication).

The last principle Diamond mentions in this chapter is “Refuse to support an adversarial approach,” which means not only speaking up and objecting when others use negative rhetoric, but also resisting the temptation to engage in it ourselves. (And, goodness knows, the temptation is strong, and the opportunities are many.)

Note that this isn’t the same as refraining from criticism or holding one’s tongue when one sees wrongdoing afoot. It does have to do with the spirit in which we make our critiques. One of our strongest challenges, as we try to transform the culture of violence from which we come and in which we still live, is to not let that violence work through us. However outrageous the provocation, we have to try to let go of our own anger and continue to seek peaceful dialogue with our “opponents.”

George Lucas has it right, after all. Anger only feeds the Emperor.

To get a copy of “The Peace Book” visit www.thepeacecompany.com. The publisher’s email address is info@thepeacecompany.com and the phone number is 888/455-5355.

[Skip Mendler is a resident of Honesdale, PA. His column is published bi-weekly in The River Reporter.]