Poached pan fish

Think about why you moved here.

Wasn’t part of the reason so you could fish, hunt, hike, canoe, etc.?

So when was the last time you went fishing? (No, the fish-themed male bonding ritual called Opening Day doesn’t count.)

I mean real fishing, a day when you refused to visit your in-laws, decided the kids could play soccer without you for once, let the grass grow, got your fishing stuff, went fishing and caught fish.

Haven’t done that in a while? Perhaps you should. After all, doesn’t it strike you as just a little absurd to be buying Louisiana catfish, Alaskan salmon and Hawaiian whatchamacallits, surrounded as we are by a thousand lakes teeming with delicious bass, perch, bullheads and bluegills? So what are you waiting for?

Permit me, if you will, to make a few suggestions here about successful fishing expeditions:

• Be realistic. Moby Dick lives in the ocean. You’re after panfish.

• Don’t leave the lake until you’ve caught enough fish for a decent meal (at least a dozen six- to eight-inch long fish).

• If you can, clean your catch and bury the entrails at the lake. If you can’t, clean your catch outside and bury the entrails at least 18 inches down.

• Leave your expensive and largely useless fishing knife in your expensive and largely useless tackle box. Instead, use chicken shears and pliers.

• Use the shears to cut off the heads, along the bellies (remove entrails), and cut off the fish’s bony ribcages. Use the pliers to remove the skin. Scrub the belly cavity with an old toothbrush and wash the fish well.

• Only your dog will think you smell good at this point, so take off your clothes (outside if you can manage). Take a shower and throw your clothes in the washing machine. This is a very important and largely overlooked part of successful fishing trips, called keeping your wife happy.

• Prepare a marinade for your fish, consisting of one-third cup dry white wine, one-third cup olive oil, one-third cup half water and half lemon juice, one-half teaspoon oregano, one-half teaspoon salt, one-quarter teaspoon pepper, and one-half teaspoon minced garlic. (This is enough marinade for one pound of cleaned fish and can of course, be doubled or tripled.)

If you have time, marinate the fish for a few hours in refrigerator; otherwise, place fish and marinade into a heavy pan (cast iron is ideal). The fish should be half submerged.

Over low heat, bring liquid to a simmer and gently poach fish for about five minutes, or until the flesh begins to pull away from the bone. Turn fish over and poach other side.

Serve with juice from pan drizzled over fish.

• While fish is cooking, heat a couple of cans of spaghettios.

• Call your family to dinner. When they discover you expect them to eat fish with bones (horror of horrors), take the opportunity to demonstrate, with as much finesse as you can muster, how the perfectly poached flesh falls away from the bone if they’d only employ their fork and that other utensil to the right of their dinner plate called a knife. (You might throw in a measure of condescension at this point, but don’t overdo it. A little bit goes a long way.)

• If they continue to be fractious, steer them toward the spaghettios and eat the whole deliciously succulent plate of lip-smacking tasty fish yourself.