A vacation at sea

We just returned home from our first family vacation in about ten years. My family and a few close friends took a cruise vacation to the western Caribbean.

Cruise ships are well known for their amazing food and as this was my first cruise, I wanted to be prepared. I brought extra clothes with me. Lets just say that I left a size 10 and will need a month of walks to get back there again.

The family limit was only four pieces of luggage. We managed, and with adventure in mind, off we went to explore the sea.

Day One was the lifeboat drill; they show you how to put on the jacket, blow the whistle and jump to safety. I am a quick study even though visions of the movie, “The Poseidon Adventure,” loomed in my mind. It helped knowing that step-daddy is a map person. The first thing that he did was to memorize the dinner menu and the ship floor plan. I figured that if they gave the three horn warning that some tidal wave was about to hit, I would find him and stick to him like glue. That way I could find my way out or have dinner, whichever was called for.

After the drill, we went back to our rooms and unpacked. I should have been suspicious when mom would not let me help her with her bags. They looked heavy but she kept to the 4-bag rule so I could not question it. There are a few rules on the ship that you must follow. You must never bring fruit on or off the ship or violate agricultural laws.

Day Two had us at the Grand Cayman islands. We wanted to go on the tour to Stingray City. They suggested we wear swimsuits. That should have tipped me off. We took a shuttle to the other side of the island, then hopped onto a cruiser and headed out to sea. My teen wanted to swim with some stingrays. I was okay with that until I saw that Stingray City was really a sand bar in the middle of the ocean.

You had to jump into the water armed with snorkel equipment, a handful of squid for the stingrays, and an underwater camera. A gentle shove and I was in. Stingrays are so much bigger when they are swimming under you. I went underneath to take some pictures of my daughter until the little darling tossed some squid around my feet. Suddenly my second favorite movie, “Jaws” became very real to me. I became Richard Dreyfuss screaming underwater when the shark eats his shark-proof cage. I could not get into the boat fast enough. I have some wonderful photos of my feet.

Next day out, we were due to explore Costa Maya, Mexico. The village was full of trading posts. Here, bartering is the name of the game. Greek realtors love to wheel and deal, so that was right up our alley. We made some good calls on pottery and silver, and mom had negotiated her way through most of the stands and managed to get herself thrown out of two of them for beating the house odds when she snagged a hammock for ten American dollars.

The crew reminded us that we were not to bring fruit on or off the ship or drink the water in Cozumel. That shore excursion was a little bit scary. There were armed guards around the ship and guards who escorted passengers onto special ferries. We then were led onto special tour buses. They gave you a snack on the bus and of course, since the water is not too good, they do offer you tequila. I think that if you drink tequila for breakfast, you do not notice the armed guards following you. The bus was quiet while we were traveling inland. Mom tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I wanted a plum. My heart stopped at that point. “You did not smuggle fruit off the ship, did you?”

“I am a diabetic,” she said from the seat behind me.

I was sure that was it. Those armed guards were going to get us for sure. I was holding my breath when we heard a loud bang. I thought we were done for, that fruit thing tossed us over the top.

No, we just had a flat tire. The driver passed out more tequila and then fixed the tire.

The ruins were amazing and I had to wonder, why is it that this primitive culture could stack tons of stone by hand in the heat when today’s teenager can’t lift a shirt from the floor?

One final day at sea and it was home and time to disembark. As I grabbed our suitcases, I noticed a funny thing. Mom now had six bags. Did I dare look? Did she smuggle out more plums? I had to peek. There, wrapped around the hammock, were tons of stuff that she snagged off the house cleaner’s cart. Everything from Princess Lines soap to shower caps; in fact, I would not have been surprised if she had a life jacket in that second bag. Sometimes it is just better not to know.

I cannot wait until the next family vacation at Walt Disney World in Florida. At least I know Mickey won’t fit inside her suitcase.