Youth in Focus

By Richard A. Ross

“It’s my divorce too”

	TRR photo by Richard A. Ross Matthew Thomas, Robert J. Kaiser Middle School, and Marina Lombardi, Duggan School. (Click for larger image)

When divorce disrupted their tranquil lives, Marina Lombardi and Matthew Thomas learned how to voice their feelings and to cope. Now they’re writing a book to help other kids do the same.

“I felt as if it was my fault,” said Marina Lombardi, a fifth grader at the Duggan School, referring to her parents’ separation.

“I used to think I had the perfect life.”

Suddenly anger, sorrow, bewilderment and especially guilt shook the stable foundation when Marina’s parents, who had been together for 25 years, split up about three years ago.

For Matthew Thomas, a sixth grader at Robert J. Kaiser Middle School, nothing could have been more idyllic than the life that he and his family had, living on the Caribbean island of Anguilla. That all ended when Matthew’s father suddenly left. Matthew was five at the time.

Watching their brothers play basketball brought Marina and Matthew together. Their common experience as divorce survivors led to the idea of writing a book called “It’s My Divorce Too.”

Slated to recount children’s experiences of family upheaval, it intends to comfort and reassure the growing numbers of children that they are not alone.

“Only 28 percent of Americans are living in a nuclear family,” according to Liberty family therapist Alan Schneider.

Matthew and Marina say sharing really helps, and the book will encourage the expression of difficult and confusing feelings. They are seeking stories from kids who have lived through divorce. Following a broadcast email, they got numerous replies, including one from a 25-year old from San Diego who said the effects linger many years later.

“We urge kids to write to us,” said Matthew.

“[The book will be] about kids who are lost and who don’t know what to do with their feelings,” said Marina.

Moms June Lombardi and Peggy Thomas affirm and support their children’s feelings. They independently counseled their children to record their thoughts and feelings in journals.

“While parents are concentrating on settlements, courts and the complexity of their own feelings, the emotional needs of children can easily get overlooked,” Peggy said. “I told Matthew to keep journaling and ‘write from your heart.’ That’s what kids will relate to when they are reading your book.’”

“Marina needed an outlet and the journal certainly provided that,” June concurred.

Reflecting on the separation, Marina said, “I often wonder exactly what was the reason why they split up, but it seems you never really get an answer that satisfies you.”

While understanding the need for spending quality time with their dads, sometimes the visits can be frustrating or disappointing. For Marina, distance has made those visits infrequent.

“It is hard that I don’t get to see him. He almost got a job in Chicago and that would have been even worse.”

“We argue about the fact that he doesn’t go to church on Sundays. I’m religious and it’s important to me,” said Matthew.

Preliminary work from “It’s My Divorce Too” will appear in the June 5 edition of Amphibian, The Journal for Kids by Kids. Those who wish to share their experiences can write to Marina and Matthew at ourvoice@localnet.com.

This week’s youths in focus have set out to write the damage that divorce has wrought.