What’s at the movies

By Ian Pugh

Pearl Harbor a dud;
The Animal is underrated

‘Pearl Harbor’

“Pearl Harbor” is not really about the December 7, 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor. It’s about a boring war movie love triangle. While it’s true the attack scenes are spectacular, the audience must trudge through an hour and a half of an inept romance plot. American pilot Rafe (Ben Affleck) falls in love with army nurse Evelyn (Kate Beckinsdale), but he has to go to Britain to fight for the RAF. It is reported that Rafe is killed in the line of action, and his best friend Danny (Josh Hartnett) moves in on his girl. We do occasionally move to the Japanese planning the attack on the harbor, and to President Roosevelt (Jon Voight) trying to find out the full effect of what’s happening across the Pacific, but those scenes don’t seem to matter. It’s all about pretty-boy imagery with big-budget special effects.

Luckily, the actual 40-minute-long bombing has the terrifying realism as to what happened that December morning. Bombs and torpedoes tear into the buildings and aircraft carriers in a frightening display of destruction. We see the populace futilely trying to outrace gunfire, and the hospitals scrambling to accommodate the casualties. The only annoying part is that the camera often goes in and out of focus for no reason. While the attack is a wondrous sight, we still have about an hour’s worth of love story tedium to go.

The target audience of Pearl Harbor is large and varied: history buffs, WWII vets, and romance and action fans. The ticket sales ensure huge box office returns. The film tries to appease the viewers at the lowest common denominator by attempting to throw in a blended mix to please everyone. However, the end product is an incoherent mess that is a slap in the face to those who died and survived in the attack of Pearl Harbor. See 1970’s “Tora! Tora! Tora!” for a more insightful and intelligent movie about the Japanese offense on Hawaii.

‘The Animal’

“The Animal” is not the incompetent movie the trailers would have you believe. While the film does not contain A-plus material, it can be surprisingly engaging at times. It has its own share of failed poop-related jokes, but when it moves away from them, it’s hilarious.

Evidence clerk Marvin Mange (Rob Schneider) is given animal organ transplants and inherits those animals’ traits. The plot isn’t very complicated and not very necessary. All we need to know is that this guy has animal parts in him and the movie works from there. Jokes come out of the woodwork at a hundred miles per hour, and if one fails, two will come to take its place. Good thing, too, because a lot of jokes fall flat.

Schneider is the title character, and he plays it with finesse as a likable hero. Most of the supporting cast is sincere and funny. Marvin’s friends, Fatty (Louis Lombardi) and Miles (Guy Torry) are perhaps the best, but others, like Chief of Police Wilson (Ed Asner) and Sergeant Sisk (John C. McGinley) are excellent as well. Of course, Marvin needs someone to love, and that someone is Rianna (Survivor’s Colleen Haskel), but the less that is said of that performance, the better.

Overall, “The Animal” is not the funniest movie in the world, but it’s not a waste of 90 precious minutes of your life. Because the movie has an unexpectedly unique comic touch, it provides a moderately entertaining experience well worth the price of admission.