Do you have a hobby? You know... something that you do that is basically useless but nonetheless passes the time? Inordinate amounts of time… accompanied by huge sums of money. I think we all have at least one.

I used to be a philatelist and a numismatist and I also collected things. In fact, at one time or another, I have collected just about everything. I still have every magazine I ever received, and a pretty comprehensive collection of first day covers (envelopes containing stamps postmarked on the day they were issued) on the floor of my closet.

There’s something about a complete collection of anything that appeals to me on a very basic level. It’s the same for my nutty friend, Ed Green. “I am a numbers kind of guy,” he told me. “When I have Volume 1, Issue 1 of a publication, it is something almost magical. I can start there and, if I remain vigilant, I can eventually possess the entire series.” I think Ed has been working way too hard.

People collect all kinds of things. Ed’s mother’s favorite animal is the owl. She has owl statues on her shelves, owl pictures on her walls and Ed still has his owl pajamas. I know people who are the same way with elephants, eagles and koala bears.

Speaking of koala bears, did you hear the one about the koala who went into a restaurant, ate dinner, shot the waiter and left? When the police caught up with him he told them that he was only doing what the encyclopedia said koalas do. He pulls out the book, opens it to a “K” page and sure enough, right there under a picture of a koala in a tree, it said, “Eats shoots and leaves.”

There are people that collect some strange things. A local family in Montague collects all sorts of farming equipment and they display it all in their front yard. Thimbles, spoons and corks from wine bottles are also “popular” collectibles. When I mentioned corks to Ed, he told me, “What a coincidence. On a corner not far from my office, there’s a guy who collects the wine from the bottles after the cork has been removed.”

Some people collect because of their interest in the subject but others do it because they expect their collection to become valuable. How many of you have Beanie Babies in your homes? Are you as resentful as I am that the company that makes them sets the value of each toy by strictly controlling production and “retiring” them at strategic times? Would anyone like to trade a Hootie, the Blowfish for an Up, the Down Staircase?

Collecting isn’t the only hobby out there. Ed Green used to build plastic models. Cars and ships were his favorites. Maybe it was the requisite attention to detail that appealed to him. Maybe it was the calming effect of putting two perfectly matched pieces together. Perhaps it was the satisfaction of viewing and displaying the finished product. Knowing Ed, it is more likely that it was the wonderful aroma of the glue that got him stuck on this hobby.

For their recent anniversary, Millie gave Ed a kit to build a working musical carousel from cardboard. She was careful to make sure that the only adhesive necessary was white paper glue. She doesn’t have to worry when he shuts himself in his office (is that really why she gave it to him?) because Elmer is taking good care of him.

I used to race slot cars. I don’t think they are very popular these days. When you bought a starter set, you got two cars and enough track for a small oval. That turns out to be enough for about one day. In my case, on day two I went out to buy some more track so that I could make a figure eight. Day three saw me buy a couple more cars, hoping for ones faster than those that came with the set. On the fourth day I went out for some more track and a set of trestles. Flat racing no longer interested me.

On day five I went to the hobby shop to get a kit that would help me improve the speed of the cars. Day seven: some more track. Day eight: more track and two more cars. On day nine I got only curved pieces of track. I had imagined this great road spiraling upward to the ceiling. It was going very well until I realized I hadn’t planned how to get the cars down. Oh well. On day 10 I found a nice spot on a shelf in the closet for all of it.

Where my slot car stuff is today I have no idea. My mother must have gotten rid of it at some point. She was very cagey about it though. Don’t ask me why, but I never realized it was gone until this very minute. Oh, and Ma... now that I think of it, where is my baseball card collection?