Our friend Ed Green just got through another grueling tax season. As is typically the case, he has been rather testy. You should be glad that you don’t have to be around him. He’s like a pet peeve machine these days, complaining about everything.

He was telling me about how much paper and other supplies get wasted in his office because of all the unsolicited “junk” faxes that come in every day. “Don’t these companies know that it is against the law to send advertisements by fax without prior permission or an invitation?” he asked me.

I had thought that is was only a violation of the law if one of these companies persisted in sending faxes after you asked them to stop. The fastidious Mr. Green showed me a citation from the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991. He was right. According to this federal law, offending companies are subject to a penalty of $500 or more each time they decide to use your paper to sell their products and services. He plans to spend the summer trying to collect from all of them.

For those of you with e-mail capabilities, tell me, do you read every joke that comes to you? How can you? There are so many of them. And, they are so bad. Ed says that he ignores any message that contains more than one Fwd:. Don’t ask me why, but I think that when Al Gore invented the Internet he didn’t intend for it to be merely an outlet for closet comedians.

After spending months in hibernation, Ed finally made it out to a few stores. Sounds like fertile ground for some more gripes. He told me about a brief excursion into the Rite Aid in Port Jervis. “The cashier scanned my five or so items, took my money, gave me change and wished me a nice day without ever once actually looking at me. It was a little disconcerting though this wasn’t the first time or the first store where this has happened.

“And, people donít talk to each other anymore,” he went on. “While I was browsing in the bookstore, some guy noticed that I was wearing a watch. He pointed to his wrist, obviously asking me for the time. Why couldn’t he have said “Hi” and actually asked me for the time? Thank goodness he didn’t need to know where the bathroom was.”

I think I am going to work on a procedure for stores to employ when they open up another checkout register. What is more annoying than waiting and waiting and waiting in line only to have people behind you get to the new register first? I’ll tell you what’s more annoying... trying to re-pack something that you need to return (assuming you ever made it to the cash register in the first place.)

Ahead of you on one of these lines could be a kid wearing clothes way too big for him and wearing them way too low. The pants might act as brooms, sweeping the floor with every step. (Do they wear shoes under those trousers?) Is it my imagination or does it seem as though a strong breeze would drop those pants down to his ankles? According to Ed, “Any parent that lets his child out of the house showing his underwear is not doing his job. When did this all happen anyway? Did someone throw the let’s look ridiculous switch one morning?”

As a financial professional, Ed likes things to balance. Debits equal credits. Ins equal outs. The numbers to the left of the equal sign add up to the same amount as those to the right. He is driven absolutely bonkers by people wearing baseball-type caps off center. His sensibilities are greatly offended by the lack of symmetry. He needs to realize that he is falling into their trap. They do it to be annoying, not to be different. If they wanted to be different, why would they do what everyone else is doing?

I absolutely cannot understand body piercing. Ears are one thing, but tongues? Noses? Eyebrows? How can those be pleasant? I guess when you want attention you can put up with some discomfort.

On a lighter note, Ed Green has disdain for what he likes to call “redundant acronyms.” We all have VIN numbers for our cars, and PIN numbers to be used at our ATM machines, don’t we? You mean, we have vehicle identification number numbers? Personal identification number numbers to be used at automated teller machine machines?

Most of us have pet peeves but it seems as though Ed Green has a pet shop full of them. The best way to deal with life’s little annoyances is to notice them, mention them to a loved one, then get yourself a column so that you can share them with the world.

A personal note to the driver I glared at on Log Tavern Road last Tuesday: Please get your turn signal fixed and try to use it. I sat there waiting for you to pass so that I could turn left. When you turned right just before you got to me, you gave me agita and a paragraph for this column. Thanks for the material.