TRR photo by Krista Gromalski Audrey places her hand on a T-shirt created through the Clothesline Project, a visual display bearing witness to the violence against women, men and children. Each shirt is decorated by a survivor or by someone who cares about the survivor. (Click for larger image)

Breaking the chain
of abuse

[This is the first in a two-part series.]

By KRISTA GROMALSKI

MILFORD — Audrey, a survivor of ritual sexual and physical abuse, has only recently come to terms with the moon.

Her abuse, she said, “happened with the full moon and the changing of seasons.”

Ritual abuse is negative, evil, bizarre behavior, said Joan Korycki, head counselor at Survivors’ Resources in Milford. “It’s almost like a cult. There is a calendar of dates when certain abuse occurs. People in this cult-like atmosphere… take advantage of other people, mostly children, and use them as sexual objects.”

April has been designated as Sexual Abuse Awareness Month in Pike, Wayne and Sullivan Counties, and Audrey agreed to discuss her experience with The River Reporter. “If it helps one person, that’s my purpose,” she said.

In the same spirit of healing, Barbara, also a survivor, came forward. “If we talked about it more, maybe it wouldn’t happen,” she said.

Both women share similarities in their abusive situations, although Audrey said because of its ritual nature, her story “isn’t like a lot of people’s.”

Now 58, Audrey described her growing-up years as “bizarre and horrendous.” Her abuse, which came from most of her adult family members, including her biological parents and a grandmother, began before she was six. She has memories of being placed on an altar and her abuse often centered around holidays, such as Easter or Halloween. Also, she said, as a teenager she was raped.

Barbara, now 62, experienced incest and physical abuse from age four to 16 from her biological father. At 16, thinking she was pregnant, she disclosed the abuse to her mother, who banished her father from the home.

“She believed me but there was no further discussion of the details,” Barbara said. “We just didn’t go into it.”

Back in those days, she said, no one paid attention. “They thought, ‘you got through it, so go on with your life.’”

Audrey, who has been in recovery since 1987, said her abuse ended in her teenage years when “it was so bad that the state came in and took us kids out of the situation.” This fact is one of many that Audrey recovered later in life through counseling. “It was buried deep inside,” she said. “I’m working to get those emotions and memories back… and just acknowledge them so I can get past it.”

Korycki said that, although survivors may disclose their abuse at “anytime in their lives,” many survivors begin to talk about their experiences because of a certain unfocused sense of dissatisfaction. “They feel stuck… like they want to do certain things but they can’t. They’re not fulfilling their highest potential.”

Audrey said she wasn’t aware of her abuse until she was 48 and about to become a grandmother. At that time she began having “body memories.” “I felt totally overwhelmed… like something horrible was going to happen at any given moment,” she said.

“A body memory can occur at a time of the year when the abuse occurred. It could be a certain smell that brings back a memory. It could be the actual feeling of the abuse, like the thigh or breast area hurting. It could also come in a flashback or night terrors,” said Korycki.

Barbara said that, although she had issues and questions after disclosing to her mother, she put the abuse “into a ‘filing cabinet’ and closed it off and went on with [her] life.”

It wasn’t until her then 14-year-old son received a burn injury that Barbara’s abuse surfaced. “The filing cabinet went upside down, everything spilled out and I couldn’t put it back,” she said.

Both women have since made the long journey through counseling, and Audrey continues to meet with Korycki at Survivors’ Resources. “The support, kindness and caring is phenomenal,” she said.

Korycki counsels one-on-one with people who have been affected by domestic violence and sexual abuse. “We also have sexual abuse support groups,” she said. Currently she facilitates one every Wednesday, from 6:15 to 7:45 p.m., for 12 weeks. All of the services are free and highly confidential. “If anyone comes here for counseling, we don’t turn anyone down, Korycki said.

Next’s week article will explore Audrey’s and Barbara’s experiences with counseling. Both survivors will share advice to individuals currently facing similar abuse situations.