April ranks as one of my top 12 favorite months. Itís the first full month of spring, the temperatures rise, the birds come back from their Florida vacations and the flowers start to bloom. We also have to pay our taxes.

In his capacity as a tax and financial professional, my friend Ed Green has seen many different attitudes toward income taxes. There are those who take it in stride, treating it as a necessary chore, while to others it is the most intimidating and frightening experience a person can have.

Why are so many people apprehensive about filing their tax returns? For some, it’s the fact that they have to write a check and part with more of their hard-earned money. For others they just fear the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).

For the IRS to succeed at its task of collecting tax money, there has to be a real sense of intimidation. It can’t audit everybody so it wants John Q. Public to be constantly looking over his shoulder. It is part of how it maintains a reasonably high level of compliance.

The interesting thing is that most of the people employed by the IRS are nice. According to Ed Green, the problem is not with the individuals. “Despite the fact that the employees are friendly, the organization has become very overbearing. I almost wish that it hired Hannibal Lecter types so that when you talk to them on the phone you don’ have to deal with the fact that a sweet old lady is trying to take your last dollar.”

Have you ever thought of becoming a tax protestor? There are many, and the IRS doesn’t like any of them. It could be because they all use serious, well-considered reasons for their positions. I think the IRS would be more willing to accept a whimsical excuse than one of those boring ones it hears every day.

Rather than saying, “I don’t owe taxes to the federal government because only the states have the authority to levy an income tax,” why not assert, “My doctor instructed me to avoid taxing situations” or “I have a severe disability. I have been diagnosed as being numerically challenged.”

Actually, it is difficult to be creative when dealing with any huge organization that requires strict adherence to written policies and procedures. “Going by the book” often neutralizes the individuality of the people within that organization. Having to follow the Internal Revenue Manual will hide the fact that the auditor you are dealing with is really very friendly and has a good sense of humor.

Ed Green is occasionally accused by some of his clients of working for the IRS and not for them. This usually happens when Ed tells someone that they cannot take a certain deduction because they do not have the proper documentation. “If they want someone to cheat for them, they’ve come to the wrong place. If I knowingly claim an illegal deduction I can be subject to a $1,000 penalty. It’s just not worth it.”

So as not to be accused of being all humor and no substance, I would like to give you some tips on dealing with the IRS. First and foremost you should be organized and know where your receipts are. No, I don’t mean, “Of course I know where my papers are. They’re in the landfill.” You should develop a good filing system, one that allows you to put your fingers on any document you need.

Don’t be afraid to claim all of the deductions that you are legally entitled to. As long as you know you’re allowed and you have a good paper trail, write off your dog food and vet bills. (Yes, these can be deductible.) Do watch out, though, for those dreaded red flags. It is a pretty safe bet that claiming $100,000 worth of deductions on a $20,000 income is going to raise a few eyebrows at the IRS. (Do computers really have eyebrows?)

When called down to the IRS make sure you are prepared. You had better know where every number on your tax return came from. Some of Ed’s clients get their numbers from his ceiling. When they are in his office to have their taxes done he’ll ask, “How much did you donate to charities last year?” Instead of looking through their checkbook or receipts, their eyes inevitably drift up to Ed’s ceiling before they say, “Um... $3,000.”

Don’t be afraid to negotiate with the IRS. The manual allows for negotiation under certain circumstances. Ask for more than you think you’re entitled to, you might just get it. Didn’t your Mom ever tell you, “What’s the worst that can happen, they’ll say no?” I suspect she wasn’t thinking about the IRS when she said it.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Call Ed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you need assistance with your taxes or with the IRS. Oh, I just remembered, he has an unlisted number. Don’t ask me why someone in business keeps his phone number a secret. If you need him, contact me at the paper and I’ll see if I can track him down for you.