Don't Ask Me Why

By Elliot Gurian

I have always loved sports. They permit an outlet for physical expression and are a pure form of wholesome competition. This past weekend was jam-packed with local sporting activity. For the children, the Pocono Mountain Summer Swim League held its championships, the Delaware Township men's Sunday softball league ended its regular season and the women's league began its championship series.

The swimmers had to contend with a rainy weekend, having Saturday's events cut short. Ed Green, all three of his children competing, turned to me and said, "What's the problem? Are they afraid the swimmers will get wet?" Actually, they only stop the proceedings in the face of thunder or lightning.

Observing the swimmers, Ed came up with his own rating system for amateur athletes. Everyone falls into one of Ed's three categories. There are the Why Am I Heres, the This Is Fun, I Hope I Wins and the I Must Wins. Ed can relate to all but the Why Am I Heres.

He has always wondered why a parent would force a child to participate in sports (or any other activity for that matter.) Compelling them to compete is a surefire way to completely turn them off to the activity. But, we both agree that kids need to be involved in competitive activities.

And, we strongly disagree with the practice of not keeping score in games like tee ball. Sure the kids are primarily there to learn skills, but what harm is there in having a winner and a loser? Life does, after all, have winners and losers. One of the skills that should be taught, along with proper form and technique, is how to deal with victory and defeat. It is true that at the youngest levels, most of the kids are too busy watching the clouds and the bugs to really care who is ahead and who is behind. But, there is always at least one child on each team who asks his coach, "What's the score?" and "Did we win?" This one should not have to be satisfied with the stock answer, "It was a tie." If he knew that his team won, he'd be happy but if they lost he'd surely just shake it right off and look forward to trying again next time.

Ed Green is an I Must Win. "If you're in the game," he told me, "why not do all you can to win?" Of course, that doesn't mean cheating, but it does mean diving for a line drive and playing with aches and pains. It also means cursing himself when he pops up to the infield in a crucial situation. He has also been known to lose sleep over a bad performance. Where did this attitude come from? He doesn't know.

Certainly not from his mother. To the best of Ed's knowledge, she never even participated in sports. His father, though a former professional baseball player, never insisted that Ed adopt this outlook. It had to have come from within himself. Much of our competitive nature must be inborn.

Does he think that there is a place for the This Is Fun, I Hope I Win? Of course he does. Every team should have at least one. The Fun/Win helps to maintain a balance, keeping the Must Wins somewhat sane. It is the Fun/Wins that abound in the women's softball league. The players are wives and mothers who enjoy the competition. There are a few hardcore players who slide and dive, but most of them are there simply for the fun of the game, and actually remember their ages and that they have a work week ahead of them.

One interesting phenomenon is that these Fun/Wins often become Must Wins when it comes to their children's participation in sports. These moms must feel more comfortable transferring their deepest competitive spirits to their children's games rather than their own. Dads tend to be the opposite. Many of them are more competitive in their own arenas, allowing their kids to develop their own attitudes. Yes, believe it or not, there are differences between men and women.

Not to imply that I've said all there is to say about amateur sports, I would like to address the way we deal with the professional variety. Have you ever noticed that many of us seem to become part of a particular team, at least in our own minds? It's not "The Yankees won," but, "We won" and "We signed Jones today." And, we all know people who live and die with their teams. I can root for a particular team (Let's Go Mets!) but my own extreme happiness and sorrow are not tied to their fortunes. Ed told me how he was glued to his TV in 1969 as the Mets were defeating the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series. If he is to be believed, he helped Gil Hodges manage the Mets to victory by giving him advice through the TV screen.

How about people who identify so strongly with a particular professional athlete that they seem to believe that they actually know him? Take Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees for example. Do you believe he knows all of the people who think that they are his friends? Just knowing his baseball stats and his favorite foods does not entitle someone to lay claim to his friendship. That is not to say that my pal Tiger Woods and I will not be playing a few rounds when he comes to town.

Should I believe my friend Ed when he tells me that he actually had a personal relationship with former Yankee Joe Pepitone? Ed claims that when he was a kid growing up in the Bronx, Joe and his wife would often invite Ed and his friends to their house for spaghetti and meatball dinners and discussions about other Yankee players and baseball in general. He also said that Joe would play ball with them in a local sandlot. I guess I do believe him but don't ask me why.