Like most writers, I enjoy words. Some-panda, skyscraper and nitrogen, for example-have precise meanings. Others-house, free and take-have many meanings. Then, there are those special ones that just roll off the tongue. Consider agglutinative (sticky,) tintinnabulation (ringing of bells) and chiaroscuro (arrangement of light and dark in a picture.)

How about this one... anal? My friend Ed Green, is overly meticulous when it comes to the use of words. His blood pressure skyrockets every time his receptionist leaves an inquiry from a client about the "statis" of his work. Even though nobody but Ed will see the message, he corrects the spelling on each and every one. Finally, he taught his receptionist the correct spelling of the word. Was he surprised when the very next message had the incorrect spelling? It is a statistical certainty that he wasn't.

In his work as a financial professional, Ed has often seen the creative use of words. He once discussed the tendency of some people to "skim" with the owner of a cash business. The owner considered taking a little off the top as his right. He called it a "stealth perk."

A client recently wanted to verify that Ed filed for an extension of time to file her tax return. The actual question was, "Did we get a delay thingie?" Ed really liked that one and is going to use it in his practice and may suggest to the IRS that they change to this kinder and gentler phrase.

You will not find this in any employee manual, but fast food places seem to have their own very special treatment of certain words. Ed's favorite establishments, Wendy's and McDonald's in Westfall and Burger King in Port Jervis, all seem to selectively edit orders that they receive by changing or ignoring certain words.

Employees at Wendy's delete the portion of any order that mentions ice. If you don't mention ice they fill the cup to three quarters with it. "Very little ice" also means three quarters full. "No ice" means three quarters plus five extra cubes. Once, Ed gave his takeout order requesting very little ice in his drink. When he drove to the cashier, he verified the order and was assured that it was being taken care of. When he opened the cup... three quarters full of ice.

The mind readers at McDonald's assume that anyone who asks them to omit the pickles or onions is mistaken. The customer really wants those items but just made an error. Ed's kids like only ketchup on their burgers. They were surprised when an order was filled correctly the first time. But, Ed has used their McDonald's experiences as a life lesson. When you are in the working world, he told them, you must actually listen to the customer. Seems like a radical concept these days.

Words by a Burger King customer are magically transformed into "Give me whatever you think I'd like to have." What you get in your bag may or may not bear any resemblance to what you ordered. Their favorite strategy is to omit exactly one item from each order. Once, Ed ordered a Whopper and was forced to return to the store when he noticed that they left out one of the ingredients... the meat!

Ed's wife, Millie, also drives him crazy with words. She belongs to the James Michener school of storytelling. Michener, when writing about a geographical locale, often goes back to prehistoric times to set the scene. Millie doesn't go back quite that far, but a "What time is dinner?" inquiry could generate the following reply: "Because Norm's soccer game was canceled last week the coach rescheduled practice for tomorrow so after I drive Dana to work today I have to go to the supermarket and unless it rains next week we can expect Steve's friend Dick to sleep over; consequently we need to make sure that we mow the lawn so that when my mother comes to visit us next spring... what was the question again?"

His favorite expression to use is "a number of times." He refers to it as an all-purpose and meaningless phrase. He once told me, "Yes, I've performed brain surgery blindfolded a number of times. Unfortunately, the number is zero." He uses "at this point in time" whenever he needs to make a short answer longer. Last week, a client asked him if he had taken care of a certain task. Rather than face the issue head-on, Ed told his client, "At this point in time the answer would have to be not yes."

If you should ever meet Ed, I suggest you choose your words carefully because he will be judging you on how you use them. Don't tell him that you "could care less" because he will be quick to point out to you that you mean the exact opposite. And don't get into a "half full vs. half empty" discussion with him. He will attempt to prove to you that the natural state of a glass is to be empty, so, if it contains some water, it is only half empty.

If you're in a playful mood, try a few of these words on him: picky, finicky, fussy, particular, fastidious, persnickety and fussy. It's just the way he is. Don't ask me why.