For many of us, the winter, with its celebrations of Christmas, Hanukkah, or Yule, is a fun time of year filled with parties, celebrations and social gatherings with family and friends. For many, it is also a time marked by sadness, anger, jealousy, loneliness, or anxiety. Perhaps foremost, it brings a combination of feelings, and this is perfectly normal.

Seasonal holidays can be filled with memories of the past, both happy and sad. Images in the media of how joyful holidays are expected to be can create false expectations. To prevent worries and anxiety from carrying the day, take a few breaths and let go of the fears. Do what you can and expect no more.

Though suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for all Americans throughout the year, the Centers for Disease Control calls the idea that suicides occur more frequently during the holiday season “a long-perpetuated myth.” Many scholars report that suicide rates are lower before and during the holiday season.

It’s human to think of loved ones who are no longer with us and to feel moments of sadness and grief. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because the holidays are approaching. Being present with loved ones, here and now, is a way to make new memories that will carry into the future.

Rather than being alone, reach out to loved ones, friends, or strangers. If your schedule allows it, volunteering to help others is also a good way to lift your spirits and meet new people. Smile, make eye contact, and ask questions. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests.

Holiday celebrations don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. In fact, change is good. As families grow, with new partners or the addition of children, traditions and rituals evolve. Change is good; in fact, it is reason to celebrate.

Try to accept family members as they are, even that one who especially gets on your nerves, even when they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Chances are that others are feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too. You may feel as if people are focusing on you, but in reality many are probably wondering what you are thinking of them.

List your coping strategies for managing anger. Take a walk, some deep breaths, or a bathroom break. Stay in the here-and-now, stretch your limbs, close your eyes, call a friend, or leave early if you have to. These are all good. Think of some others that work for you.

Don’t over-spend. Decide how much you can afford and stick to your budget. An avalanche of stuff will not make your loved ones, or you, more satisfied. Try not to over-schedule. You aren’t obligated to accept every invitation. Respect your limits by saying “no” when you choose.

Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” at holiday events with drinking or drug use, these can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks. If you know that you have a history of using alcohol or drugs to manage stress, which has led to problems in the past, then the holidays deserve a special place in your personal relapse prevention plan. If someone close to you is an addict or alcoholic, take stock of your support network, remind yourself of the limits of your control, make the environment as safe and supportive as possible and focus on the positives in your life.

Healthy eating, avoiding excess, getting plenty of sleep and incorporating regular physical activity into each day are good for mental and physical health. Make time for yourself. Take a breath. Get plenty of sunlight. Clear your mind by slowing your breathing to restore inner calm. Simple activities might include taking a walk, either alone or with a companion; listening to music, or reading. As during any time of the year, seek help if you need it. If you feel sad or anxious much of the time, noticing aches and pains more, having persistent trouble sleeping and/or feeling irritable or hopeless a great deal of the time, then talking to a mental health professional or your primary care provider may help you to put things back in perspective.

[Tom Rue is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York, certified as a clinical mental health counselor by the National Board of Certified Counselors. Contact 845/513-5002 or www.choicesmhc.com.]