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December 09, 2016
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Does anybody really know what day it is?

This makes sense, but apparently February also includes Crepe Day, Darwin Day (I suspect someone is trying to make a monkey out of me) Gum Drop Day and (ready for this?) February 18 is now Cow Milked While Flying in an Airplane Day. Really, people? Clearly, anyone can get in on this, which would explain Frog Month, (April) Panini Month, (August) and Sweet Potato Awareness Month (which is still vying for both February and November.) How aware do I need to be? Sweet potatoes are just fine, but this onslaught poses the question: “who is responsible for this silliness?” Thinking that there might be a greeting card for September’s Talk Like a Pirate Day (“Greet your friends with ‘ahoy, matey’ instead of ‘hello’!”), I decided to separate wheat from chaff and went to the source—Hallmark.

“Pay dirt,” I shouted to the dog (who by this point, I shamefully admit, was wearing a tutu and sunglasses) and bookmarked the page ( that breaks it all down. Offering a free app that glorifies anything, the fine folks at Crown Media offer tips to “manage your gift list” and “check out the full calendar of holidays happening every single day of the year.” Shaking my head, I explored more, while slipping a clown suit on Dharma and admiring my handiwork. I missed National Whipped Cream Day, but Send a Card to a Friend Day (Hmm) is right around the corner. If Pets Had Thumbs Day (I’d be out of a job!) is coming up in March, along with Hug a GI Day, which actually sounds worthy.

Lumpy Rug Day, Eat Beans Day (uh oh) and Marooned Without a Compass Day sound a bit contrived, while World AIDS Day, May Day and Independence Day still ring true. There are cards for sidewalk egg frying, planning your epitaph and celebrating the existence of cream cheese brownies (I kid you not!), but I’m unclear as to whether Peppermint Patty Day refers to the candy, or the cartoon character. (There’s probably a card for both.) Either way, I need more stamps.