I’m sorry, Jane, but my column is late again. Of course you already know that because, well, you don’t have it yet. You’ve heard the excuses, and it’s the same old thing. My procrastination is not helped by the fact that I’m constantly so busy. I really am trying, though I also understand that it probably doesn’t look like that.

I’m sorry, Emily, I’ve been irritable and aggressive lately. It may sound silly, but it has a lot to do with the heat. I can’t remember the last time it got quite this hot. It just hangs in the air like a wall, sticky and thick, suffocating me. There is no escaping it radiating off the pavement like some underground monster breathing on me, up from the sidewalks.

Quite literally, it’s hard for me to stay cool.

It’s true that there is an escape in the cool air that flows through our rattling bedroom window air conditioner. Unfortunately, the rattling doesn’t exactly help. I need to install that thing better.

Honestly, when you think about it, it’s amazing that ACs aren’t dropping on people’s heads like crazy across the city. I’ve seen some rickety air conditioning setups in my day and it’s just got to happen more than you hear about.

But I digress... Thank you, Emily, for being so patient and supportive.

Apologies to my family; I missed the annual Pontier’s trip to the beach again for work. I haven’t made it in two years now. I was working in LA over the week of July Fourth. I would have loved to have seen you all. I miss you guys. It warms me to think of the good old days of cards, word puzzles and root beer taste-testing contests on Long Beach Island.

Time feels so fleeting these days and I am really sorry that I didn’t get down there to see you this summer. But who has the time for regret, right? (It’s enough just dealing with the heat.) The only way to look is forward.

Apologies, too, to the defenders of marriage as having to exist between a man and a woman. You are completely and utterly wrong. I am sorry, but someone had to tell you. (Cheers to the Supreme Court for a big step in the right direction.)

Last weekend, I went to my first wedding between two women. They are a truly awesome couple whom Emily and I have known forever. Seeing these two people very much in love dance with each other at their wedding really brought it into perspective for me.

It was a beautiful and perfect wedding between two people, who are amazing together, and I just couldn’t imagine anyone being against it. So to those people I really am sorry; what a sad way to look at the world. But more importantly to Alex and Felicia, congratulations again.

And here it is, Jane. Finished. Next column is going to be so early you won’t even believe it ... which is probably smart.