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August 01, 2014
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The worst (best) column he (we) ever wrote

Contributed photo


“Pizza Hut, obviously, M&Ms, peanut and regular…”

“I think you’ve made your point.”

“And did you see the woman at breakfast this morning pouring scrambled eggs out of a plastic bag? [GPS: Approaching freeway entrance on the right] All we see on the highways are McDonalds, Arby’s, Waffle House, Dunkin’ Donuts...”

“You need to get in the right lane.”

“All I’m saying is, it’s no wonder this country has an obesity problem.”

“You just missed the turn.”

“We’re good.” [GPS: “Rerouting”]

“No, you missed it.” [GPS: “When convenient, please make a legal U-turn. That was not a legal U-turn. You’re an idiot”.]

“There are too many things happening at once.”

“Yeah, driving and talking. You’re not what they call a multi-tasker, are you?”

“Don’t type any of this.”

“It’s ridiculous. I’m not writing this anymore.”

“Well, you aren’t writing this, so it’s fine.”

“I DON’T WANT TO TYPE YOUR NONSENSE ANYMORE.”

“Just one more sentence; we need a way to wrap it up.”

“YOU need to wrap it up.”